Let's Get Creepy

Is it just me or do people lose their minds when they go out shopping? We often see numerous stories, especially during the Christmas season, of people trampling over each other to get a deal on the hot item of the year. It's really fucking scary that people would resort to this sort of behavior in public. Now just imagine you're working there and witness this crazy shit. We would gasp in horror but for the majority of us the anti-social behavior of shoppers has deaden us to any sort of chaos.

I NEED THAT $5 TOASTER!

                                                                                          

Then again, there are the few instances in which a person goes above and beyond crazy and it really gets to us retail workers. The following is one of my stories:

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!

My first job was at a dollar store when I was 17. I really had no interest in working there but my mother insisted I not spend the summer loafing around her couch. So she marched in there and demanded they give me a job. They did, hoo-fucking-ray (sarcasm doesn't translate well over the internet.)

Thus began my illustrious career in the retail world. Everyday I would go in, push buttons on a register and wish I was anywhere but there. It was really the easiest job in the world and despite customers trying to haggle me down on the price (It's a fucking a dollar, simmer down) I had no problem with it. Until one day, I had a very strange encounter...

I was standing at the register, checking out a customer, as per usual. Let me say that this woman was around 300 pounds, sweaty and hardly wearing any clothes. Granted it was mid-July but still, c'mon lady. Anyway, as I told her the total she reached into her tank top, then her bra and proceeded to hand me a very wet and moist wad of bills. Inside my head I was screaming, inside my stomach I was trying to hold in vomit. As I reluctantly took her sweaty boob money, she grabbed my hands and said this to me: "You've got really soft hands." Now would be the time my head exploded into a thousand pieces. She then asked what sort of lotion I used. I calmly moved my hands back and told her Jergens, put the money in the till and signaled for the next customer in line.

Love the skin you're in but don't fucking touch me.

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This still haunts me to this day and may explain why I don't like being touched by people.