That Mysterious Stain on the Carpet Really Sets the Mood

We'll get to today's story in just a moment but I wanted to debut a new feature we'll be having here at the blog. Starting tomorrow (yay Friday. Oh wait, you work retail so Fridays don't exist. Ha, sucker.) we'll be rolling out our new "Black Friday" feature which will be stories from you, the reader. Or, if none of you dicks decide to send anything I'll just use a story from one of my friends. So if you'd like to share one of your retail horror stories, email me at clicheguevara8@gmail.com and I'll pick the best one. Your prize will be a gift certificate to the store you work at (Prize not valid in the US and doesn't actually exist.) With that out of the way let's get to the meat and potatoes.

 

Let's Make This Awkward for Everyone Involved

One of my favorite jobs ever was being a clerk at a video store. We got to watch movies all day and since our boss didn't really give two fuck about the place, we were pretty much free to do whatever we wanted. The only weird part about was that there was a section downstairs entirely dedicated to porn. A porn room, if you will. To top this off the owner was really sketchy and only hired females to work there since he had this backwards notion that if a man worked there all they would do is spend time in said room. That might be true back then, I guess. This was before the internet fully controlled our lives. Anyway, there was a porn room. It had saloon style doors but you could see into the room of sin through the top and bottom of the doors. It really has useless. Plus we always had to stop teenage boys from trying to sneak in there (maybe the owner was right.) There were also creeps that came in and jacked it to the boxes and spent way too much time looking around but that became the norm. However there was this one time shit got a little to cray.

At this point I had been made a closing supervisor which really just meant I got to count money and sit in the office and abuse the phone by making long distance calls (I AM RESPONSIBLE) so really it was a bullshit title. One day another girl and I were working the closing shift and we were hanging out at the counter waiting for the clock to strike 11, when we closed. With about 10 minutes before the chance of escape a couple walks in looking to rent a movie. Fine, what the fuck ever, just make it snappy. They then make there way to the porn room, which is kinda strange because we never saw women go in there let alone a couple. This piqued our interest so we went to the top of the stairs to look and see what they were doing. I really wish we hadn't because as soon as we did we saw the woman on her knees pleasuring her gentleman friend. EW. As disgusting as it was we couldn't turn away and she was really going to town. At that point the urge to leave outweighed seeing that shitshow so I got on the intercom and said "Sorry to interrupt your fun time down there amongst stranger's ejaculation stains but we're closing now." They quickly got up and left. Thank goodness.

Take your filth to Blockbuster, ya sickos!